Like the new template? I think it represents me pretty well. I stare off into the distance a lot, lost in the scenery. Daydreaming. I daydream all the livelong day, my mind going into that space where everything and everyone else is restricted, always wondering, thinking, imagining. My second grade teacher didn’t call me “Moon Lady” for nothing.
Today’s been a rough day and it’s not even over yet. I’m so unbelievably tired. I was combating a headache earlier that induced nausea, which is never a good thing (even in the case of a pregnant woman who truly wants a baby – they all get tired of feeling like they’re on the verge of puking…when they’re not ACTUALLY puking).
Whether a doc says it or not, I strongly believe my thyroid gland is failing (I had a thyroid panel done and the results are indicative of hypothyroidism). The fatigue associated with this condition (usually brought about by an autoimmune disorder called Hashimoto’s disease) is really dragging me down today. I can find few other reasonable explanations for the level and frequency of this exhaustion. Granted I could improve my diet a little more, drink more water and try a better regiment of supplements (just today a friend recommended to me a complex cocktail since the multivitamin I take doesn’t do much) but somehow I feel this will only make a minor impact. It’s still worth trying but I’m not optimistic about the results. Then again, I’m a “glass-is-half-empty” kinda gal.
The dreary weather outside does not help matters. Peering out the window at the limited daylight we get this time of year only to have gray skies, naked trees and thin yellowed grass in lawns and medians staring back is enough to give anyone the blues. So much so that Norman E. Rosenthal, MD, first proposed the somewhat psychosomatic diagnosis of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) in 1984 when he carefully evaluated his own sluggishness during the colder months. Women are twice as likely to be afflicted by SAD than men but this is not surprising, considering we go through WAY more hormonal changes than men. Light therapy has been implemented in cases of SAD and it makes sense, as we all seem to feel a measured sense of relief when the sun finally peeks its way out from the clouds and brightens the world for either a few hours or a few days. But today it’s hiding and hiding well. And my joie de vivre is hiding right along with it.
In fact, it’s a task to sit here and write about how lousy I feel. My brain feels fuzzy lately and though I love to read, I cannot absorb books at the same level I could several months ago. I can hardly concentrate on anything for very long, much less an incredibly absorbing book, because of how tired I feel. And when I wake up in the morning after a recommended 8 hours of slumber, I don’t feel refreshed in the least. In the case of this morning, I felt WORSE. A bleak and frigid milieu outside, compounded fatigue and mood, and then a damned headache rolls down the pike. It’s enough to make me want to retreat to a pitch-black, soundless room and shut down completely. If I were a robot, I’d be begging a computer engineer to remove my CPU and rebuild it while at the same time asking him if there was a possibility he/she could make me immune to any and all viruses.
I don’t mean to bring anybody down. I’m just being honest. After all, that is what this blog is for: honesty. I can be encouraging but I’m not going to paint rainbows and butterflies for anyone when I believe and/or feel otherwise. I’ve been working on my pessimism as best I can but days like this make it difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, to see the brilliance of the individual stars of life’s sky.
This is why I treasure my health and am now adamant about making it a priority. If I don’t have my health, well, I don’t have much at all. You can be the richest person in the world but if you’re unhealthy, then I consider you poor. How can you enjoy life if you’re not hale and hearty and physically at ease? Hence the word “disease”. Look at it closely - it’s a compound word. Dis-ease. We all feel uncomfortable or at a dis-ease when we are sick and I believe it to be fact that illnesses affect the mind as well as the body. Who doesn’t feel somewhat “sick in the head” as well as the body when they’re hanging over a toilet bowl heaving every last drop of their stomach contents or shivering, aching and hacking their brains out from common cold or flu? Health is everything and though my husband may label me a self-diagnoser (borderline hypochondriac), it is because he does not care enough about his own health and fails to see the effect of what this lack of concern over such an important factor of living will do to him in the future. He is the type of man that will wait until he is incapacitated before he agrees to see a doctor. I can remember a few years ago when he was afflicted by strep and only at my urging agreed to start monitoring his temperature (which spiked two or three times) after several hours worth of shivering beneath three layers of blankets, not to mention additional prodding to seek medical attention at an urgent care center. I should not have to convince him to do this, let alone tell him he should be proactive about preventive care. Yet I do and it is because I make it a priority for myself. No one wants to see their loved ones get sick when it could’ve been prevented so I am more than happy to be a nag in this area of his life as well as for my children (even more so for them).
As a result I put myself on the back burner. Women who are mothers are especially guilty of this as we are so busy taking care of others, in particular our children (however many we may have) that we neglect ourselves as a result. This is a fatal flaw, one that leads to health problems that could’ve been prevented. I ask all women, in particular devoted mothers, to STOP DOING THIS. Go to the doctor when you are sick. Get regular preventive care which includes vaccines you received in your child. Don’t go thinking you’re spry just because you’re only in your late 20’s/early 30’s – this is about the time your immunity from those childhood vaccinations begins to fail (I learned this recently when I went for a complete physical in addition to my thyroid panel). These booster shots, which can include tetanus/diphtheria/pertussis, chicken pox (especially if you’ve never had it), herpes zoster (shingles), hepatitis A and B, MMR (measles/mumps/rubella) and seasonal flu can make a major impact in protecting you from contracting these diseases and/or how you weather them if and when you do . Do not put off till’ tomorrow what you can do today because it may make all the difference between still being able to do labor-intensive yard word in your 70’s or being fated to a wheelchair and a nursing home.
I will end this entry with the word of the day, which is “earwig” (a verb). To earwig someone is to annoy or attempt to influence by private talk (e.g. “My husband earwigged me about making cookies with his unsubtle inquiry about the sale price of oatmeal cookies following my remarks about other sale prices in the local grocery ad.”) And yes, that did happen last night. He thinks he’s just so smooth and subliminal. I see right through him. And his big sweet tooth.
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