What is a friend? Most would say it is someone you see and associate with on a regular basis and get along with really well. Some would say it is those things in addition to a strong feeling that you can confide in that person. Even more, some would say that they are like family.
The word “friend” got redefined by a guy named Mark Zuckerberg when the social networking site Facebook became available to the general public on September 26, 2006. Now a person can have thousands of friends without ever seeing them, confiding in them (much less talking to them) or pretty much ever knowing them at all.
The average number of friends for a Facebook user is 130. I recently did some trimming to my friends list and though I failed to look before I made my dramatic cut I think the “before” total was somewhere in the neighborhood of 140. In the “after”, I’m down to 80 and bound to trim a few more in the coming weeks. Just in case some of you don’t want to do the math (I never do) that’s roughly 60 people that will no longer have the pleasure of seeing my mundane status updates and activities (if they ever even saw them in the first place).
Whereas once I enjoyed reconnecting and communicating with people through this site (I was a bit of shut-in when I joined in 2009, a stay-at-home mom whose only social interaction most of the time was with a preschooler and a toddler), I’ve now come to view Facebook as a terrible distraction and one of the greatest technical façades of our generation. Most people who create a profile on FB make their lives idyllic, comical, and/or out of the ordinary, only adding that which they think would be of greatest interest to their audience. Not one person’s profile with its declarations of sexual preference, religion, relationship status, occupation, and the chance to share some clever quotes and flaunt their best vacation photos paints even half the picture of their lives. I’ve had confirmation of this by talking to some of my actual friends face to face whom I’m friends with on FB as well.
I must admit that I’ve done my own editing. We’re all guilty of it. But I’m tired of the digital mask. Most people who’ve friended me weren’t really interested in getting back in touch – they were merely curious what I’d been up to in the last ten years. Some were collectors, their egos driving them to increase the number of friends they had in order to appear popular and interesting. Now that many curiosities have been satisfied, there’s nothing tying us to one another. So I hit that most offensive of buttons, the “Unfriend” button, and let their profiles go the way of obscurity into the annals of cyberspace.
I feel refreshed, unburdened. I also feel a little sad. Why was I holding on to these people, most of whom were high school classmates, a handful of them perfect strangers? Perhaps it was because I was fearful of falling into insignificance, that knowing them made me somebody. And while there are a select few who honestly connect with you, most of them are too absorbed in their own lives to care what’s going on in yours. I became too interested in other’s business because there was either little going on with me and/or not enough interesting things going on in my life to keep me busy. I cringe admitting this and my shame is well-warranted – I have turned my eyes away a little too often from my life to focus on people who in the grand scheme of things don’t matter.
I can’t blame Facebook entirely – the site is just another symptom of me refusing to realize and indulge in the joys of simplicity and the value and pleasure of flesh-and-bone company. I have lost precious time (not to mention social skills) trying to interact with people online who are either too busy to quell my need for adult conversation or look to me and others simply as sources of amusement when they log in. I feel foolish and ashamed not only for this but for having participated in the charade for the last three-and-a-half years.
I also don’t like that my information is accessible to most anyone, even with some pretty strict privacy settings. I googled my name about two weeks ago and I was shocked at what came up. I don’t have nearly as much as anonymity as I thought. Identity thieves had a field day when Facebook became public six years ago and the age of information has made it even easier for them to get away with their crimes.
So it’s time to get back to basics. It’s time to start actually TALKING to people, having a conversation either in person or via telephone instead of social networking or instant messaging. It’s time to rebuild my social skills, get over the awkwardness, and GET OUT IN THE WORLD for Pete’s sake, instead of sitting in front of a computer. It’s time for change.
I may well delete my account soon. I entertained the thought a few days ago, imagining sending out a status update that said something in the way of, “Facebook is such bullshit. It’s boring, it’s ridiculous, there’s neither point nor privacy to it anymore. I’m done with it. Send me a personal message in the next two days with your phone number and/or email if you want to stay in touch with me.” It would be interesting to see who responded.
Or maybe I should just disappear without warning. Those who cared would figure out how to get in touch with me if they really wanted to. Like I said, this is the age of information. They can find out most anything if they pay for it.
No comments:
Post a Comment