Give Up? I've Only Just Begun.

This blog seems to have fallen by the wayside here lately. The holiday shuffle slowed things down quite a bit, as I was so consumed by preparing for them, busy with prep for Thanksgiving and Christmas that I had hardly anything to say, much less the time with which to say it.

It seems to be the trend lately for other blogs I've been following. A friend of mine gave up on hers more than a month ago and she, like myself, is a stay-at-home mother to two young children. I understand how much time young children can take up, how they leave little energy or brain power for their mothers some days so that all we have the will to do is care for them. It's a strange little monster, this childrearing business - it seems to suck time for creativity and valuable self-reflection into its vacuum of a body and hold it hostage. I fear this monster on a daily basis and I fight against it tooth and nail. It's the very reason why I refuse just yet to give up on this blog despite the fact that my own children keep me busy in addition to the fact that very few people are reading it.

Honestly, I could give a shit sometimes whether someone's "following" me or not. These blog posts, this journaling of sorts, serves as an outlet for thoughts, ideas, fears and such. It serves as a tool to throw all my random musings at, look at them, sort them and make sense of them. If I gave that up, I might go crazy, and my children would be the worse for wear.

I need this blog, this writing, for my own teetering sanity. So it's all the more important that I don't give it up, that I continue on, lest I feel a queer and enduring sense of failure that threatens to throw the label of "quitter" on my unrelenting conscience. I don't like failure. I loathe it. To give this up, something that I profess to love, an outlet which allows me to truly and completely express myself in the best way I know how, SCARES me.

So it goes that even if you don't hear from me from time to time, I am still there, slogging through the shadows, occasionally glimpsing the light and adding yet another piece of kindling to the still smoldering embers of this blog. I hope to get it to a roaring fire someday soon.