Only 23 and what some would describe as puritanical and shamefully naïve when she wrote her first book (A Return To Modesty: Rediscovering The Lost Virtue), Williams College philosophy graduate Wendy Shalit is now a little bit older, a little bit wiser and, I feel, more within her rights to discuss the intricacies and ramifications of sex now that she is married and has a child. Although she isn’t selling the “modestynik” way of life in her newest treatise-turned-book “The Good Girl Revolution” (previously published under the title “Girls Gone Mild”), she is still promoting the basic idea about girls and women adopting a more modest approach to how they look and behave in order to promote happiness and well-being. She also promotes the idea of strengthening one’s character by taking a more modest approach, therein producing the desired response of respect and dignified behavior from men as well as no longer denying or suppressing emotions in fear of losing a man. The book’s front cover of a woman hovering midair, her arms outstretched, seems to suggest that when a woman embraces her morals and takes charge in creating the respect she deserves, she will fly high (in a metaphorical sense, of course).
Within the book’s first several pages, Shalit takes the time to challenge the fiercest critics of her previous work head-on, quoting them while joking that “being a romantic these days is an unpardonable sin”. She then counters those quotes with grievance letters and emails from women of all ages, all ethnicities and all political and social positions as if to say, “See? I’m not the only one who believes in a concept you think is outdated and unrealistic.” And recent media stories serve to bolster the evidence for a shifting mentality. Early this month, a news article published through Yahoo! Sports told the tale of a high school cheerleading squad in Connecticut who were lobbying to have their uniforms changed so that they were less revealing (their ensemble consisted of a midriff-baring top and small, body-hugging shorts that resemble “boy short” panties). Senior Ariana Mesaros told the Board of Education that the uniforms hurt the girls’ self-esteem and that she was “embarrassed to stand up here dressed like this. Is this how you want [Bridgeport Central High School] to be represented?”
A reader will encounter in-depth ponderings about the conflict women feel over whether or not casual sex is truly empowering for them (most of them end up feeling used) and how those same women will repress emotions in order not to come across needy or overly sensitive to their male companions (“I just wanna be loved! Is that so wrong?”). You will read about how the evolution of society and the media has created unrealistic expectations about how women should look, the slow segue into seductive and sleazy over the last few decades now the norm while modest dress is the new form of rebellion. You will read about how sexually demonstrative members of the entertainment industry are the favored role models while proponents of abstinence and modesty are treated as hostile, and how those same role models have created a culture of girls and women obsessed with image. You will read about how over time the ability for women to trust each other, especially around husbands or boyfriends, has diminished considerably and how they have become malignant with suspicion, sometimes to the point of unyielding iniquity. You will even read about toys losing their sense of modesty (e.g. Bratz) in Shalit’s humorous and eye-opening introduction, as well as the alarming rise of aggression and bullying among girls.
The reader will also be introduced to some remarkable girls and women who, armed with exceptional and equal measures of bravery, conviction and integrity, have become rare specimens in a society of “wild” girls, starting with Taylor Moore, a 15-year old proponent of abstinence who has an enormous following and travels the country for speaking engagements. You will read about Lakita Garth, a former Miss Black California and another proponent of abstinence who, despite her worst critics, stuck to her principles and kept her virginity intact until her wedding night at the age of – are you ready for this? - 36. You will read about Ella Gunderson, an 11-year old whose letter to Nordstrom about supplying more modest clothing set off a media firestorm. You will read about Brittany Hunsicker, a girl who objected to a sexually explicit book being read aloud in her high school English class and complained to school officials.
Idealists will wholeheartedly agree with most of Shalit’s musings and finer points; cynics will sneer and realists will find themselves somewhere in between, noting that she drives home points that are hard to argue despite her grating conservativeness (she was courted in the Orthodox Jewish observation of “negiah” – she and her husband did not touch one another until they were married) and nearly absent approach to a man’s side of the argument. In fact, about halfway through this prolonged dissertation of hers, I feel that it nearly reached the point of male-bashing. There are only a select few quotes and insights taken from men that dare to suggest they favor a modest woman more often than not. I know Shalit wasn’t writing this book for their defense; more die-hard, radical feminists would probably have perceived such as move as kowtowing (she examines the different attitudes and definitions women have regarding feminism and whether it’s possible we’re experiencing a Fourth Wave). Instead, she busied herself with fighting the battle women have fought for years about demanding equality from their male peers but still expecting to be treated like ladies.
But it got me wondering. So just for the hell of it, I typed in the question, “Do men prefer a modest woman?” into a few search engines and came across a page where a user named Jen asked a question similar in nature. Here is the exchange:
Jen: (heading to question) Men, do you prefer women who dress modestly or more revealing?
I just read an answer to another question which stated that men don't value modest types, so it got me wondering. Do you think modest can be sexy or is it just frumpy and prudish?
LEE: Are you looking for someone who's primarily interested in going to bed with you, or are you looking for someone who will honor, value and be committed to you?
Dress accordingly.
Now I don’t know whether this “Lee” character is a man or woman but the answer is powerful, nonetheless.
Here is another answer I procured from a website called whatdomenreallythink.com regarding the “10 Traits Men Find Attractive In Women”:
Modesty - Men fall in love with the "modest" girls and lust after the "hot" ones. Modesty in behavior, dressing and talking is what men look for in their "long-term" partner. Though guys find "hot" women attractive, it's mostly physical in nature and they lose interest after a few passionate encounters in the bed. There is also a common consent among men that "hot" women are less reliable and high maintenance. In short, men love women who they can take home to their mother.
The other two that caught my eye were Confidence and Character. These two, along with modesty, are all things that Shalit promotes throughout her book. How can a woman or a man argue with those?
Bottom Line: Fourth Wave or not, “The Good Girl Revolution” will leave most women feeling there’s something to be desired in today’s girls and women, particularly in their ability to respect themselves and stick to their beliefs despite the naysayers. Moreover, it will make them determined to foster in themselves and in their children good character, independent thinking and the strength to speak out instead of shrinking in the presence of peer pressure.
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